Her short hair is wispy and white, her mouth and throat full of ulcers and Lynda Bellingham looks a shadow of her former self. Until now the actress had not told anyone she has terminal bowel cancer, with possibly weeks or months to live, apart from her close family. “Suddenly this week time is starting to snowball and you think, hang on, I’m not ready for this,” she says.
“I fear time going quickly.”
Her husband, property developer Michael Pattemore is with her, making sure she is OK, often close to tears when she relays the harsh truth about her time left. He and her two sons are uppermost in the 66-year-old’s mind, as she plans her last days. She hopes Michael, 59, will buy a house in his home county of Somerset and that he finds a companion to share his life with after she has gone. He shakes his head at that thought.
Loving: Lynda with her husband Michael
Her legacy will be to pass on her spirit to her sons, 26-year-old Robbie and Michael, 31, so they can live their lives to the full. “There were so many things left that I wanted to do – but I hope my sons will use my energy and look after my hubby and love each other,” she says. “I am sad I will not see who they marry, or live with... I know in my heart they have so much to give someone who will unlock their dreams.”
Her friends on Loose Women and other close celebrities, including Corrie’s Helen Worth and actress Sue Johnston, will all be devastated to know what she is going through.
And so will the former Oxo mum’s fans. Fingers black, skin peeled at the tips. You can’t see a fingerprint because of the gruelling year of chemotherapy she has endured. Her toes are numb and prone to infection. She had gone through a colostomy. But her mind is as strong as ever, as is her sense of humour. If anyone moans about anything trivial these days, she just says: “Oh, stop whingeing – at least you haven’t got terminal cancer.”
We meet to discuss her final memoir, There’s Something I’ve Been Dying To Tell You, recounting the trauma she has suffered since being diagnosed with stage four tumours, less than a year ago, along with colourful tales of her acting and family life and tracing her birth father’s family.
Novel: Lynda's book, There is Something I've been Dying to Tell You
Lynda wants to die at home and has planned her funeral. She wants family and friends to have a big party after the service to celebrate her life but there’s one thing she has no control over.
She says: “I’ve tried to organise everybody’s lives but I can’t organise the moment of my death. I’m not scared of dying. "Dying is much worse for the people left behind. “If I could have a little moment to say goodbye to them all and then do the old morphine and just go to sleep, that would be fine."I just want to get it over – I’m a very tidy person.”
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